Grace, Love, Courage & Sin: Part 1

It is difficult to bring together in a few paragraphs these ideas: grace, love, and courage.  Character traits and emotions are complicated and multifaceted, making them almost impossible to concretely define.  Through life they appear and reappear, often with different faces. Not bad faces, just different.  Sometimes grace is accepting; sometimes it is enabling.  Sometimes love is gentle; sometimes it is harsh. Sometimes courage is quiet strength; sometimes it is boldly stepping out.  There is a time and season for everything.  Often, in my short 22 years, I have found all three walk hand-in-hand.  They are connected and intertwined, often influencing each other.  The blurred boundaries make separation impossible.

Grace.  I have often heard of it, experienced it, and given it.  It is the frequent cry of the guilty. It is what a sinner clings to.  It is accepting. Grace is the saving favor in which we have no merit. But it is also sufficient in the sinner's life to produce obedience.  It is enabling.

Love.  A most frequently used term. It is a Mother's affectionate touch. It is a soft and patient voice. It is gentle.  Love is the unconditional, immutable power by which God made a way for forgiveness.  But it is also the same Father's firm rebuke.  It is harsh.

Courage.  I will always think of it in To Kill a Mockingbird.  It is doing the right thing, all odds against, with no promise of success. Courage is day by day committing to truth. It is quiet strength. But it is also facing the giants of evil.  It is a man submitting to His Father's will, in full knowledge of what He would bear.  It is boldly stepping out.   

For the Christian, all three are vital in  battling sin.  I thank God daily that His grace in my life has saved me from what I was, but also that it is making me what I ought to be.  It has accepted me, and now it is enabling me.  His love comforts me and has forgiven my sins, but it also is the continual correction for the sin that remains.  It is gentle in its forgiveness, but harsh in its rebuke.  Lastly, courage.  Atticus Finch said, "courage is... when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what."  We may fight daily battles; we may lose.  But we fight anyway.  The difference between Atticus and the Christian however, is that though we may tally small loses, we know the greatest victory has already been won.  We stand firm everyday, even when feeling we have already lost, and take heart in Christ's infinite victory.  The Christian holds with quiet strength, when tempted to despair at sin, to the bold stepping out of our Savior.       

Sin will not go softly.  It will fight and cling to its host like cancer in a struggling body.  But it will fight in vain.  Grace, love and courage did not end with the crucifixion but were resurrected with Christ.  Victory has been attained.  Do not grow weary in battling sin,  for we have been promised that it was "licked" before it began.  God has and will continue to save me from myself, He will redeem what is His. 

"Through all I've experienced these last two years, I have become persuaded of and am confident in this: GOD WINS!... He wins because He heals a sinner from her sin-sickness and removes every last vestige of selfishness and ugliness from her soul.  God wins not because He takes away what is hard in our life --Oh, He will one day cure us of these sufferings and restore our losses, but I tell you that God wins, because in Christ, He is saving you from yourself. " -Jennifer Uwarow 

So I dropped the 365....

If you read my blog (I'm not sure who I'm writing to- if anyone at all), you should have noticed that I dropped the "for 365 days" from the title.  There are a few reasons for this change;  I never followed through on my promise to write every single day;  I don't want to stop writing at the end of 365 days; and since when do life lessons, conviction, and the beauty of inspiration only occur for one year??

(If none of this makes sense to you,  reference my first few posts. Please and thank you.)

Alas, I am once again left with an altered project.  I will try to stop writing about changes I continually make to this "challenge"- it really isn't much of one anymore is it?  However, I can't make any promises.  My mom calls me butterfly, because I "never land on one flower very long."  I guess I change my mind a lot. We will see how long this flower lasts...    

Tonight I Wrestle.

Habitually, I disregard peoples opinions of me.  I am who I am, and I do not live to please.  But above all that I am, I am Christ's.  I bear the name of my Savior and so I realize that I should care about perceptions. That I must care.  Nothing wounds the church like inconsistency in her people.

In turn, I find myself hating how people regard me.  Not because I want them to see a godly life, but because I want them to see God.  I pray they never notice me.  I do not want praise, I do not want recognition.  It disgusts me.  I do not want anyone to see me.   I want people to see my God. I want people to know my God.  I pray I am only a reflector of my Father.  It is not about me, it never has been.  It is always about him, it always has been.

I am left hating sin. I hate when I sin. Mother Teresa said, "the only true sorrow is sin."  She is right, and so nothing burdens me like my own sin.  I refuse to accept it; I cannot escape it.  My hope rests in the fact that I do not have to. That my Lord has done it for me.  He has attained my victory over Satan, sin and death.  A beautiful triumph.  Do I repay his grace and sacrifice with more sin?  I plead with my God, "Never."  Yet, I plead more for forgiveness in the wake of my actions.  The more I pray for obedience, the more I see my sin.  I cry along with Paul, "wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"     
 
So, tonight I wrestle. Tonight I struggle and work.  Tonight I pray. And every night, and every moment of everyday until my time here is done.  God remove every last remnant of sin from this offender.  May my will and actions be bound by grace, and may my failures be covered in it. God be glorified in spite of me.   

“I am content to live and die as the mean repeater of scriptural teaching, as a person who invented nothing, as one who never thought invention to be any part of his calling, but who concluded that he was to take the message from the lips of God to the best of his ability and simply to be a mouth for God to the people, mourning that anything of his own should come between, but never thinking that he was somehow to refine that message, to adapt it to the brilliance of this wonderful century, and then to hand it out as being so much his own that he might take some share of the glory of it.” – C. H. Spurgeon

Its all about us.

One thing has been heavy on my mind for months now: the American church.

We spend money so that worship sounds good to us.  So that the building is attractive to us.  So that the stage has hip lighting for us. So the seats are comfortable for us.  So that getting coffee is convenient for us. So that the atmosphere is easy for us to settle in to.  So that our church looks good to the world.  When did church become about us? When was it about appealing to the world?  Tell me how a million dollar building, light shows, fancy sound systems, coffee shops, and debt are more glorifying to God than people sitting in a dirt field raising only their voices in praise? If it is not more glorifying, then why do we spend money?  Why does the church insist on pouring into itself, rather then pouring out? Because we live in America? Because God has blessed us? Then for God's sake bless the world instead of spoiling the people in the pews.  For God's sake preach the truth and let men hear it, untainted by aesthetics and entertainment.  If appearance is what draws people on Sunday mornings, then they will want nothing to do with our gospel.  If we need modern music and a full band then we are not worshiping anyway.  If we are counting on exteriors then we are saying the gospel needs a crutch, and the power of God is not sufficient.  

We are only crippling the church by catering to its desires.  How can we equip people for the road ahead, for their calling as a Christ follower, to die to themselves when all we are doing is gratifying their self indulgence. We are only injuring the body.        

It has never been about us. The story of the Bible has never been about God catering to humanity.  It has always been about God redeeming us and restoring us to glory.  The church spends its time and resources pleasing itself.  Pastors spend their words gratifying the congregation.  Members spend their energy only when it is self-beneficial.  I am not denying that for Christians, church is a place to be encouraged and poured into, but not for the purpose of stagnant comfort.  It is for the purpose of being sent out, and equipped to make disciples.

In Acts, the gospel was preached in its purest and untainted form, and it was rejected.  They were in the aftermath of the crucifixion and resurrection.  There had not been thousands of years to "contextualize" and "modernize" the gospel (as if it needed this). Yes, there were instances when thousand of people came to faith, but there were also times when the apostles were ridiculed and persecuted.  Did they change or modify the truth? Never.  They saw Christ with their own eyes; they knew that the gospel any other way, was not the gospel.  They were confident with Paul in saying, "I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..." (Romans 1:16-17).    

If someone does not accept the gospel in its simplest, most bare form, they won't accept it at all.  The self-adorned, candy coated version most churches have adopted (dripping with apologies, excuses, or even unsaid truths) is not the power of God.  It is the weakness of man.

My heart breaks for Christians in America.  Many of us do not know sacrifice. Many of us work out our salvation in comfort and ease. I pray I would be content with, "The gospel, the whole gospel, and nothing but the gospel."  Because there may come a day when that is all we have.  I pray I will cling to it.   

Coffee: One step forward, two steps back.

I drink coffee, A LOT.  Which means I go to Starbucks, A LOT. Which means I spend my money, A LOT.  How much money? At least $30 a week.  Howard Schultz is a genius (or maybe just really rich).  My morning, afternoon, and evening jolt is starting to fry my bank account. So, with some resistance (kicking and screaming), I will forgo Starbucks or any other coffee house establishment, for the next month.  I think.


I will miss you soy latte, iced coffee, lime refresher, ethos water, and bacon breakfast sandwich.  Thank you for always being so good to me. 

     

(Another thought: I wonder how much I could make recycling all my cups, bottles, and paper bags....?)

Not so typical.

Normally, I would post about theology or biblical truths that have struck me.  But not today.  I have made some recent decisions (ones I thought I would never make) and have since committed the next year of my life to accomplishing goals.  Not just any goals, but things that have been dear to my heart for years but I have never pursued.  Some of them will be difficult, maybe unattainable.  Others are silly and superficial but nevertheless I am going to do them.

I love art. (*sigh. Who doesn't these days?).  I love being creative.  I have since I was a little girl.  Painting, drawing, taking pictures, decorating, designing, coloring, rearranging my room, changing the color of the walls. You name it, I did it.  I also loved being different. Unique.  I never wanted to look or act like anyone else. Which is why I have hesitated to be "artsy" and creative lately because, lets be honest, its painfully trendy.  But I don't care anymore.  I am going to wear my over sized, funky earrings.  I am going to take millions of pictures.  Wear mismatched nail polish, and shirts that are two sizes too big.  Draw on my wrist and my feet.  I am not going to cover my freckles with make-up.  I am not going to try and tan my fair skin.  I am going to do and be whatever I want.  Because cliches are true, and life is short.

To do:
Write a book (or maybe two?).
Get to the point where I can financially rely on my photography.
Create something everyday.
Get a tattoo...?
Pour myself into the youth ministry at my church.
Start a ladies bible study with a friend.
Re-read my entire Bible.
Pay off my student loan entirely.
Learn to play the piano.
Take a photo everyday (with my 1980 Minolta)
Wear my heart and self on my sleeve.
Listen to God. Hear his will. Trust His promises. Bring Him glory.


That is all I have for now. But I am always thinking, planning, and aspiring.  So who knows what I'll want to accomplish tomorrow. :)

He Knew Sin Well.

 

“He did not sin, but no one understood sin better than he did.” – Mother Teresa, Where There is Love, There is God.

One sentence.  One simple statement about the sufferings of Christ.  What initially seems contradictory is actually a beautiful comment on the mercies, grace, and love of our Lord.  Christ was perfect and blameless, yet bore the punishment of sin.  We are corrupt and ruined in sin, yet pardoned of its consequence.  We know sin well.  Humanity has perfected the art of sinning.  Christ knows perfection entirely.  He is the origin of righteousness and holiness.  Yet, he understands sin better then anyone.  Why? Because he bore the weight of its effect.  Nothing brings comprehension like looking the gravity of our actions in the eye; by shouldering the burden of aftermath; by paying the price demanded.  Blood was shed, pure blood, so that filthy creation could be redeemed. As Lewis said, “...death itself would start working backwards,” at the willing sacrifice of a blameless life.  The consequences we face on this earth are only a shadow of what they could be.  I praise God daily, that I do not fully know my sin.

I'm Back....Again.

I realize this is my 365 days project, and that I am supposed to post everyday, or at least a few times a week.  I am also aware that I am failing.  However, there have been so many things to note in my margin lately that I have not had time to write them down. I will summarize them quickly, and then move on to my first post in a long time.

God is working.  This I know because of the opportunities he has placed in my hands and the peace and joy I have experienced in the wake of my latest decisions.  Calm always follows turmoil.  I am in the calm, but know it is not promised to last,  but I am promised that in every season I am God's.

In light of my decisions I have committed the next year of my life to a few things:

• Co-leading a Ladies bible study with a dear friend.
• Serving on a creative ministry team for my church's youth group. 
• An internship with a wedding photographer. 
• Writing a book (a long time dream that may finally come true).
• Learning how to play the piano. 
• (of course I will be working and saving during all of this, but that's just a technicality) 

My hope and prayer is that God would sanctify me, aligning my heart and mind with His will.  Above all, my deepest wish is that He is glorified. His highest glory is our greatest good.

May He make this true in my life.  

Grace.

By the grace of God, I am not what I could be. By the grace of God, I am becoming what I should be.

May Grace Abound

"Be very courageous to do what the Lord Jesus bids you in all things, and let men judge you to be an idiot if they will, you shall be one of the Lord's champions, a true knight of the cross."  | C.H. Spurgeon

May grace abound.  That is my prayer.  Because, in the face of abounding failure, it is my only hope.  However, I do not pray that grace would only cover my sins.  I pray it would increase so that I may obey, ensuing less sins to be covered.  The result of my reflections, upheld by the crutches of scripture, and theologians, are the implications of grace.  Many understand salvation as the finish line.   But it is the starter pistol of the Christian life.

We cannot use grace to squash holiness; Jesus cannot be our savior, but not our Lord (JFK Mensah).  Love for the Son, fosters obedience to the Father.  Grace inherently necessitates obedience.  Titus 2:11-14:

    For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. 

Grace has freed us to obey. It cannot be used to excuse holiness, it is used to advance it.  Too often I have heard of the imperfections of the human condition, and not often enough do I hear of the power of God.

"we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith" (Rom. 1:5)

"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (2 Tim. 1:7)

"But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. " (Rom. 6:17-18)

If we love God we will obey him.  If we want to obey him, we will earnestly plead for sanctification, and we will be sanctified.  Would not satisfaction with our state of holiness indicate being at ease with sin, because certainly we are not perfect?  Certainly we do sin, everyday.  But to be content with that sin (and do not be naive enough to deny that we are all content with our sin at times, especially the "little" sins) is to do an injustice to the accomplishments of Christ, the gift of the Spirit, and the image and glory of God.  

Becoming Christlike means becoming more human; human in the way God intended.  We return to our original design, and in doing so bring glory to God.  Salvation is not merely the quantity of our life, but the quality in which we live it.  The quality of our obedience must be more profound than gross actions of righteousness, but fine movements that are are easily and often overlooked as modest error.

"Here is an honest man.  Do people say of him, 'He is such an honest man that he would not steal a horse?' No, that would not prove him to be very honest; but they say, 'He would not even take a pin that did not belong to him.'"..."'We must live, you know,' said a money-loving shopkeeper, as his excuse for doing what he could not otherwise defend.  'Yes, but we must die,' was the reply, 'and therefore we must do no such thing.' There is no particular necessity for any of us living.  We are probably better dead, if we cannot live without doing wrong."  - C.H. Spurgeon 

Obedience lies in the exactness of our actions.  We do not deem the floor clean if the majority of it has been mopped, we pronounce it clean when every corner has been scrubbed.  In the same way, we are not obedient if only in the large things, we are obedient when we take care to align even the most minute actions with the will of God.  

Please, do not mistake me.  Understand my audience and intent. I am merely pointing out that we are too apt to fall on grace rather than stand by it.  I am not saying we can be perfect if we just try hard enough.  I am not saying that we should not struggle.  Thank God that Christ's death covered even our tiniest sin, and thank God that his righteous life is imputed to us in every way! However, I am saying, that we are too comfortable.  That, maybe, we do not think as often as we should on the little things.  I am writing to the Christian ( as much as I am writing to myself) that fails to see every implication of grace.  We must not only enjoy the peace in it, but live by the power in it as well. The cross is more victorious than we give it credit. 

"The genuine christian will every now and then have to put his foot down, and say, 'No I cannot, and I will not be mixed up with such a thing as that,' and will have to say this to his master, to his father, to his friend, whose respect he desires to gain, and who may be of the greatest possible assistance to him in life.  But if it be your duty, my dear brother and sister, thus to do the right, do it if the skies fall.  Do it if poverty should stare you in the face. Do it if you should be turned into the streets tomorrow.  You shall never be a loser by God in the long run; and if you have to suffer for righteousness' sake, blessed are you!"

C.H. Spurgeon

Extraordinary Endurance

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. - Mother Teresa

The church is littered with concepts of love, most being romantic ideals that fizzle out like uncorked champagne.  Uncontainable and exuberant at their inspiration, however fragile and shattered at the first sign of discomfort or obstacle.  I am as guilty as anyone in this sentence.  We are fooled into thinking that acts of love must be "extraordinary" to be true.  Simple love, however, is persistence.  Being committed to people guarantees exhaustion.  Exhaustion in body, mind, emotion, and soul.  However, persistence means loving "without getting tired."  Love is a daily commitment to serve with body, mind, emotion and soul the people of the world, not only the church.  The task is hard, it demands nothing less than everything from its pursuers.  Yet, we are undeniably called to it.

I have often heard it said, "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else."  But, it is the love of the self that inhibits love for others.  Persistence in love is a commitment to denying the self; to resisting temptation to succumb to inevitable exhaustion.  Love flows freely, when not hindered by inconvenience.  Love's patience often endures the downhill slope, but falters and fails at the hills.  I would cease to call this love; tolerance is a more fitting term.  "Putting up" with someone is a fair fall short of loving them.  Tolerance is a short fuse, lit by the match of human character.      

It is easy to love the lovable, and easier to justify our sins against those we deem unlovable (for whatever crimes they dared commit against us).  We point a tarnished finger; leagues deep in our own offenses.  The paradox: we are all unlovable, and yet we were loved.  Loved so much, that our creator chose to be hung by the nails of our imperfections.  Christ shouldered the burden of true love in His self-sacrificial, perseverance.  He endured, unto death, our offenses against him, for love's sake.

We are left to embrace people, with out excuse and without rest. This is not begrudged trudging, but a joyful undertaking.
In conclusion; love is extraordinary when it endures.  When it endures with joy.  Simple, enduring joy in other people and God.

Honesty and Brokenness: Part 2

I fully agree with Tolstoy;

"Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself."

Initially, I touched on the influence of these virtues on the self; the results of introspection.  But navel gazing never got anyone anywhere.  However crucial it may be to begin change in the self, it is just as vital that those alterations exceed their first boundaries.  Recognizing failure with a willingness to change is not enough.  This kind of honest recognition in ourselves fosters the same in our view of people.  We often triumph at the recognition part, but fail in honesty.  As I said, we injure others constantly with calculated insults and cynical evaluations.  Their sins are apparent, but then so are ours.  Cynicism and judgment nourish pride.  Honesty and humility nurture love.  Sincere recognition of the self cultivates forbearance towards the lapses of others, for those lapses serve as a mirror.  Often when we find ourselves slighted by a friend, acquaintance, or even someone we have never met,  "Be the bigger person," is the common advice.  I will argue against that.  When misjudged or insulted, we should remind ourselves, "I am the same insignificant size as my oppressor."  Sin reveals our need for another righteousness, whether that be our sin or someone else's.  Sin levels the playing field of all peoples. Christ redeems that field.  Fyodor Dostoevsky said is best, "To love someone means to see him as God intended him." 

We often first see sin and failures, however scripture challenges us to see with the eyes of God.  When God gazes at His children, He is confronted with the righteousness of Christ.  When we gaze upon our brothers and sisters, we are to see the same.  When we gaze upon unbelievers, we are to be reminded of our condition apart from Christ's merits, and humbly love them as Christ adored us.

Honesty and brokenness are merits outside of my grasp. So I will pray; Lord change how I love, and change how I see.  I trust God will grant them both in His grace. 

Honesty and Brokenness: Part 1

I want to say I'm a woman who is willing to model honesty and brokenness--serious casualties to a social life. - Jennifer Uwarow

I will not presume that I know exactly what Jennifer had in mind when she wrote this.  However, since the day I first read it, it has been on my mind, heavy and convicting.  Everything about this statement screams rebellion to ideals conceived by a superficial and dying culture.  What the world perceives as thriving, is rotting in the eyes of God.  I often struggle with working out these two ideas in my life.  Brokenness is a never ending process, requiring an honest look at the self.  Admitting sin, and repenting from it.  Accepting weakness and relying on God in it.  Acknowledging our failures and trusting Christ's righteousness.  Knowledge of the true character of the Maker produces humility.  To be constantly humbled by that knowledge, results in brokenness.  Brokenness fashions obedience. 


Breaking and obeying.  This is the daily work of the Christ follower.  We trangress our Lord and others in thought and thoughtless deeds; in calculated insults and cynical evaluations.  We stumble daily and yet are lifted by hope in sanctification.  As Michelangelo meticulously cracked and chipped the stone to reveal David, so God chips and cracks our imperfections, to reveal Christ.  We are in a constant state of being redeemed by our Lord.  "For He wounds, but He also binds up; He shatters but His hands also heal," Job 5:18.  God crushes the sin in us, though painful.  He cuts away the cancer, no matter how established.  Constant death to the self is it's manifestation.  Emulating honesty and brokenness is a task.  So I will set out, unprepared, on this unknown path.  Traversing the mountains and valleys armed with the Spirit and grace.  If my savior bore a cross, so must I.  If my Lord required death to redeem the self in me, then I must die to that self, also. 

All along I thought 

I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break

How to live not how to cry

But really 

I've been learning how to die

Learning How To Die | Jon froeman

Transition: Returning, Reforming & Re-embarking

I first started writing four years ago, when I first started college.  I created my Blogger and put my typing skills to the test.  I grew tired of Blogger, and had a short affair with Tumblr.  It proved to be inconvenient, less friendly, and a bit controlling.  Alas, I have returned to my old friend, and now will continue on in my new year's endeavor.  I only transferred a few of my previous posts, because this well-meaning project had rocky beginnings.  "It is the beginning of a work that the writer throws away," and the ability of the writer to throw it away is crucial.  So I will follow suit;

"...the earlier version remains lumpish on the left, the work's beginning greets the reader with the wrong hand." Annie Dillard

Another alteration is due.  I will not be writing to please anyone.  My initial trek was influenced by a desire to be appealing, entertaining, and readable.  But, as Dillard also said, "I cannot imagine a sorrier pursuit than struggling for years to write a book that attempts to appeal to people who do not read in the first place." Of course, this is no novel, but the wisdom applies all the same.


So I am left with this reality; I have not ventured a word in over a month.  I moved past the edge of failure, and leapt right off the cliff.  I allowed the day-to-day and misconceptions to cut in on my writing time and content.  My project being the injured victim.  So, here I am. Re-embarking.  My hope is that this will be the last time I start anew.  However, innumerable things can happen in a year, and I am not naive enough to think that some of those will not inhibit my writing.  Fortunately, obstacles can function as inspiration.  There is beauty in everything, that we choose not to see; even in the feeble conceptions of an injured writing project. 

"The reason not to prefect a work as it progresses is that, concomitantly, original work fashions a form the true shape of which it discovers only as it proceeds, so the early strokes are useless, however fine their sheen." 

Day 13: February 2nd

Day 5 was January 25th….Today is February 2nd… so that makes today’s post Day 13.

I missed 8 days of writing.  That is borderline flunking this project (if it isn’t flunking already..).

Over my 8 day absence, I have been reading, listening to sermons, watching people, and examining myself.  All these things have brought me to this conclusion: I have to live life committed to people.  Not committed in the ball-and-chain sense, or the keeping-promises way.  I mean committed in a constant outpouring way.  Because that is a lot harder, and nothing worth having is easy.  But having what?  Since when is giving, having? 

It is having love.

It is being more concerned with the lives and daily workings of others.  Psychologists even agree living selflessly is healthier.  They say when people hit their mid-life crisis, they either grow out or sink in.  Grow out into other people, and helping them.  Or sink into themselves, and rot. 

Why wait until I’m old, fat, and less capable?

There are hundreds of verses (literally) I could type out to show the biblical reason for selflessness.  They would all point you back to the Cross.  How one man died, bearing the guilt of many.  How He died for people who hated Him, and set them free. 

But I am going to conclude with a quote instead.  Not because I think it more important, or a better reason (there is nothing more true than scripture), but because it is short and beautiful, and reading it is what brought all these things (sermons, literature, observations, people, verses) together.

For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.
— Audrey Hepburn

Day 2: January 22nd

Well, I have 33 minutes left in Day 2 to write something profound….

29 minutes….

Alright, I’m throwing profound out the window.  When I initially imagined this blog, I had hoped it would be interesting.  Potentially inspiring. But here I am, two days in, and I am realizing that the day-to-day is less than inspiring, or interesting, it is mostly bland.

So, for now I will equate this blog to my 4th grade science project.  You know, the one where you plant seeds in little red Dixie cups and put them in the sunshine. Everyday rushing over to see if your plants had grown.  Remember how painful the first two weeks were? Nothing but dirt.  Brown, boring dirt. Then, finally , the tiny green sprout would push its way to the surface.  That is how I would like to think of this blog.  Interesting and inspiring are here, somewhere, they just haven’t made their way to the surface yet.  I am still in the first two painful weeks.  Still pushing through the dirt, to the sunshine.  After all, every flower (or in this case, a bean) has to go through a lot of dirt before it blooms. 

Until then, I’ll continue to shovel the dirt, and hope for tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow will be just as boring… maybe it won’t be.

Day 1: January 21st

So here I go.  Day one of my 365 day adventure.  Maybe adventure is too thrilling of a word… Challenge? Yes, challenge is more like it.  Because that is really what this is, a year long challenge to myself, to commit to writing every day.  I am graduating from college in May, and since I was little I pictured my life after all the “responsibilities” of school; when I would be old enough to do what I pleased, when I pleased.  Unfortunately, responsibility only grows, education being the least of which.  Now I have bills and bosses.  The romantic ideals of travel and free time are a luxury not many people experience.  Myself included.  For most of us, it is just getting by, day to day. So I have decided that this year, I won’t put off my writing until I am sitting in a European cafe with endless time, coffee, a pastry, and a stack of novels as high as the empire state building (cliche, I know).  Instead, I am going to “bloom where I am planted”.  Which, currently, is in my bed withGlen Hansard & Markéta Irglová playing on my laptop, and a pile of independent study work next to me (that I should probably be doing instead of this).

So this is my 365 day challenge, because I can’t wait on life, I have to make the most of what it is, where I am.  I have to be all here, or I will miss it all.